Aloha Team Purple Event

http://www.kristinsteede.com/blog/aloha-team-purple/

Songs...

I was listening to my MP3 player the other day and found some songs whos lyrics are so real for me! So I decided to post some!

Declaration- David Cook

I'll take you just the way you areimperfect words inside the perfect songI feel you closer than you areI've been waiting far too long too long

It's my declaration to anyone whose listeningyou're my inspirationas I stand alone against the worldCause you love Can you bleed cause you stole my souland set me freeit's my declaration

do you care what i believeCuz I'm still breathingor that i wear a heart upon my sleevesometimes i think you never knewthe only truth i see is youit's you.

It's my declarationto anyone whose listeningyou're my inspirationas I stand alone against the worldCause you love Can you bleedcause you stole my souland set me freeit's my declaration

And are there any words to saythat i would ever mean enoughwhen the light runs from the daywill the darkness be too muchwill i ever be enough

it's my declarationto anyone whose listeningYou're my inspirationas i stand alone against the worldCause you love Can you bleedand you stole my souland set me free,

It's my declaration so tell me you can hear these words tonight It's my declaration.

It's My Life- Bon Jovi

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted No silent prayer for the faith-departed I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd You're gonna hear my voice When I shout it out loud

Chorus: It's my life It's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just wanna live while I'm alive It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground For Tommy and Gina who never backed down Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake Luck ain't even lucky Got to make your own breaks

It's my life And it's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive

It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life!

One Step at a Time- Jordin Sparks

Hurry Up And WaitSo Close, But So Far AwayEverything That You've Always Dreamed OfClose Enough For You To Taste But You Just Can't Touch

You Wanna Show The World, But No One Knows Your Name YetWonder When And Where And How You're Gonna Make ItYou Know You Can If You Get The ChanceIn Your Face As The Door Keeps Slamming Now You're Feeling More And More FrustratedAnd You're Getting All Kind Of Impatient Waiting

We Live And We Learn To Take One Step At A TimeThere's No Need To Rush It's Like Learning To Fly Or Falling In LoveIt's Gonna Happen And It'sSupposed To Happen That We Find The Reasons Why On Step At A Time

You Believe And You DoubtYou're Confused, You Got It All Figured OutEverything That You Wished ForCould Be Yours, Should Be Yours, Would Be YoursIf They Only Knew

You Wanna Show The World, But No One Knows Your Name YetWonder When And Where And How You're Gonna Make ItYou Know You Can If You Get The ChanceIn Your Face As The Door Keeps SlammingNow You're Feeling More And More FrustratedAnd You're Getting All Kind Of Impatient Waiting

We Live And We Learn To Take One Step At A TimeThere's No Need To RushIt's Like Learning To FlyOr Falling In LoveIt's Gonna Happen And It'sSupposed To Happen That WeFind The Reasons Why On Step At A Time

When You Can't Wait Any LongerBut There's No End In SightIt's The Faith That Makes You StrongerThe Only Way You Get ThereIs One Step At A Time

Take One Step At A TimeThere's No Need To RushIt's Like Learning To FlyOr Falling In LoveIt's Gonna Happen And It'sSupposed To Happen That WeFind The Reasons Why On Step At A Time

Long week...

So this week is going to be a long one. I work from today wednesday aug. 5 through tuesday aug. 11. So I am trying to be positive and look at it one day at a time. Even though I am working 15 hour days, I can and will get through this. Especially with my girls help. I have made a goal list for today and I am going to try and do this every day. Helps decrease my anxiety. Which has been up ever since I started this heart palpitation and ended up in the emergency room. I have learned that I need to decrease my stress and anxiety. Not get angry and just go with the flow and not force the flow.

So be positive, turn every negative into a positive and be proud becasue I am worth it!!! I just need to stand and be at peace. STAND! I am going to need to remember that!

Soul Searching

So yesterday was a really bad day for me. I mean really mentally and physically. So after coming home from the gym I decided to make dinner and to turn off the computer because I needed to do some soul searching and I knew I needed to do this by myself. So I spent some much needed time with the hubby and then we went to bed. I laid in bed for 2 hours just thinking. Thinking about my life, my family, my friends, my weight loss, my job. Just about everything I could think about. Then I decided to just write. I took a notebook and just started writing down everything that came to mind until my mind stopped rolling and nothing was there. It was a state of euphoria. I felt at peace. After seeing 4 pages of crazy crap. I decided to LET GO. Let go of everything. All of my fears and doubts in myself. All the worries, all the anxiety. EVERYTHING. It was SO freeing. (I suggest everyone to this!) So I fell asleep with no worries, no fear, no anxiety, no heart palpitation, nothing. It was the best night sleep I had in months. I woke up this morning refreshed and ready to tackle anything that comes my way. It is time to be positive. Time to quit faking it and DO IT!

I got on the computer this morning and had SO many messages from my sisters. They were amazing. I needed them. Just to affirm the positive vibe I was feeling. Then i posted my first status of the day and kristin commented, I lost it, I CRIED! I know goofy. Then Ali commented and then I read all the positive things in my inbox. I think I cried for a good 20 minutes this morning and it felt good. It was cleansing. I think that was exactly what I needed to help me with this goal. To stay and be positive and determined and to help motivate others. You have to do it for yourself by yourself. But you do need a few cheerleaders along the way. I found a bunch in my sisters. You all mean so much to me. Each one of you push me in a way I need it. You all mean the world to me. kristin, ali, alexis, mesha, courtney, val...I love you all and thank you so much. You are my angels!

Searching

So I have not blogged in a few days because honestly I have not known what to say. Things inside my head have been crazy, but my front has been working. But I can't do it anymore. I have to take it down and be vulnerable. So I am going to try and explain what is going on in this crazy head of mine.

Well, I have been letting my anxiety get the best of me. I have a feeling that PMS has a lot to do with it. But who knows, aunt flo is not here yet. I just feel like a panic attack is coming, dunno when. I have this knot in the bottom of my tummy that just is not going away. I dunno what to do. I have been praying a lot. It seems I pray for everything. Myself, my fiends, my friends friends. Everything. I just feel like I am falling short in everything.

As for my weight loss, that has actually been good. This week I lost 3 pounds. I actually am doing this. I have lost 27 pounds so far. I am so proud of myself. But it is hard to get past everything to be proud. I work out a lot. Seems to be the only thing that keeps my mind clear. But as soon as I finish things come back to crazy in my head.

These demons will not beat me. I have not told anyone this. Not my husband (who i share everything), my friends, my family..no one. I keep telling myself to stay positive, to be positive. But it's just words when your mind and heart will not. I try and turn the negative into a positive. But sometime (most of the time) my mind will not let me. So I just put on this front that everything is OK. When it is not. 2 weeks ago, I was happy and getting my confidence back. Where did that go? I want that chick back!

I have been stressed out about this thing i am supposed to help out with for my trip in October. I want to help, but honestly with work i do not have time. Sometimes I feel pressured into things (not just this) and I can't just say no. I feel bad because I want to help, but honestly who am I kidding in this mental state I am on auto pilot. I will have enough money saved up for when we go, but I am kinda upset because I feel if I do not do this then it will not help out the group of friends and will not be able to get our friend here for the retreat. I dunno. (Just letting my feeling run, sorry sisters. This is not to make any of you upset! Please don't be)

So that is what I am searching for. Peace. Peace....inner and outer peace. I keep breathing, deep breath, saying to myself be positive, stay positive...just going to keep saying it...one of these times it will click.

Thanks all for reading!

Love,
Anna Banana

It's Wednesday

So I thought I would post a mid week update on things!

So I have been so excited the last few days and doing SOOO well with eating and my workouts. I went to the gym Monday and Tuesday. Monday was 90 minutes and tuesday was 70 minutes cause I was in a time crunch. I felt so good. They have these awesome new ellipticals that i LOVE. I do a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and then onto the elliptical. On monday I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and tuesday I did 50! I was so proud! Monday I also did free weights and weight machienes.

It was so funny, all the air foece guys kept looking at me like this fat chick is keeping up with us! On tuesday, kenny decided to split up and he went to the bikes which were across the room. I said in my zone on the elliptical and he said this skinny little frilly princess came and got on the elliptical next to me. I saw her but did not pay any attention. He said she looked at me and then looked at my legs and then started and tried to keep up with me. she would start and stop and kept looking at me Kenny said. He said she tried for about 5 minutes and could not keep up, so she got off the elliptical and left the room. He told me this on the way home and I just laughed. I kept up with the air force dudes. I think they thought I was going to pass out. I was sweating everywhere! It was CRAZY! I am so proud!

So today and tomorrow I am working so exercise will be at home. So biggest loser bootcamp and walking. Also, my challanges from Ali and Val! Got them Sistas!

But other than a really bad thing happened last night. Which involved a kitten at a place we went to eat. Needless to say i did not eat. I did not bring it home. Thank goodness a wonderful person came and decided to take care of it becasue it was hurt pretty bad. I could not sleep last night. I cried all evening. I can still see the eyes of the kitty looking into my eyes and meowing like it was saying help me....***ok crying now**** ok trying to move on! But that's what's been going on!

Weigh in day and pondering

So today is my weigh in day. I switched up my workout this week and worked out harder then ever. Yesterday I did a 90 minute workout with 60 minutes of cardio. But I know my body and how I ate this week and I kinda had a feeling it was not going to be a good weigh in.

So I got on the scale and only gained a pound. Way better then I expected. Yes it is a gain, but it's a pound. I can totally deal with that!

This week I am REALLY going to focus on eating better. Last week I did not make the best choices, but this week I am REALLY going to try.

So I still can not decide what to do. I am being indecicive this week. My weight watchers subscription is up in September and my birthday is in september also. I was thinking about stopping weight watchers and going back to counting calories and asking for a bodybugg for my birthday. I am not sure what to do. So far in a month in a half I have lost 7 pounds with WW. I just dunno what I am going to do. WW seeems to be working, but when I was calorie counting I was not doing it well. So do I give it a try and spend the money?

I don't wanna buy anything until I find out about our Kristin trip! YAY!