Scared...

So, I am scared to death! It has finally hitting me that we are leaving missouri tomorrow! I was really excited until today. I called to confirm our tlf and they were so mean to me and told me we could not have all the cats with us there! So, obviously I started crying! BAD. I have been so stressed out these last few weeks that it just finally was the last straw and I freakin lost it. It did not help that the packers were here. I went into zombie mode. I basically stayed in the room with the cats all day. Just crying and basically out of it. Great time for everything to come to a head! So I called my best friend Becca (who is watching the cats while we are visiting family) and basically cried my heart and asked her if me and the cats could stay with her until Kenny finds a house. She said of course. She actually sounded really excited. She said that it is great that she will be able to spend more time with me. So what's going to happen is after we go to visit our families we will head back to Tennessee as planned. But instead of me heading to Florida with Kenny, he will go by himself and stay in tlf and get everything set up and the paperwork in and (cross your fingers) hopefully get approved for cats in base housing. Then I will pack up the cats and head to Florida. So He will get there May 18th and I am hoping to be there no later then May 29th. So please pray that everything goes as planned. Well everything that has been turned upside down figures itself out.

The nice thing is with kenny and my laptops we both have webcams. So we will be able to talk on the phone and webcam. So that will be good.

So please everyone reading this say a little prayer for my family, and me to quit stressing and my anxiety go down.

Stuck...

So I am officially STUCK. I have hit a plateau, a mental wall and just a flat out burn out. I know what most of you are thinking...I told ya so! I know. I have been working so hard lately, I had a routine when I was working. I scheduled everything. Now I have not been working, I am going out of my mind. My ocd is not kicking in. Plus with this move, I am stressing out very bad. Seems like I am the only one who is stressing. But hey, that is just how I am. The movers and packers come to pack on Monday and they move stuff tuesday and we are out of Missouri wednesday. Part of me just wants to say ehhh just take this week off. The other part of me wants to go go go to get the stress to go away. I know I will not get to work out wednesday and thats cool. But I am really hoping to get to the gym on thursday. I want to look my absolute best when I go home to see my family. My goal was to be 180 pounds. Thats 70 pounds down. But honestly with my stress level and lack of work ethic...I dont think I will get there. My heart says it is ok, but my ocd in my head says that is a failure. I keep saying look how far you have come. But, my stubbornness is just going nuts! Dang bipolar!

So I have a game plan for tomorrow (sunday) and monday after the movers leave and I think tuesday after the movers leave. But we shall see. I just am MENTALLY out to pasture. I need to get my head back in the game. I want to start another challenge with myself. But I dunno. We will see.