Where did she go?

Motivational….i dunno

so I have the job of my dreams teaching people what I have done over the last year and it is going to be wonderful….BUT my exercise,food is gone….my motivation, desire, accountability is not here. Where in the world did it go. I have been on this crazy ride for the last month and a half. We are finally moved in and getting settled. I started my "commitment" to myself Tuesday. BUT what am I thinking. Where is my mind. Where is the drive I used to have? Where is the passion I had to be healthy? Where is the person who made those goals to be 150 pounds? Where is that person who promised herself she would never fail? To be honest..I dunno? I sure need a swift kick in the pants! I want to be a great example for these folks I am going to be teaching. But how am I supposed to motivate them when I cant even motivate myself!

So..what do I do? Where do I go from here? How do I find that person who I was 2 months ago?

Proud?! Not right now……

Getting back on track...finally

I can finally see the end of this tunnel. The moving tunnel. We get our things on friday and get to officially move in. I can not wait to get all my stuff and decorate my home. To finally feel at home. Thats going to be a big weight off my shoulders.

That was a segaway…weight….yes…I have fluctuated over the last month. 2 to 5 pounds. Not too bad. But starting on Monday May 31, I am going to get back on track. Back to the way we were eating and exercising. Tuesday i start work at a GYM! I finally get to pay things forward! It is going to be an honor to be able to help and workout next to others who are on this journey too. But with all that I have to get myself back to where I was to be able to help others.

Getting back on track is going to be hard. I know it is. And to be honest, I am scared. Over the last month my diet has not been the best and exercise has been…well almost non existent. So now I have to start over, reset, and get back on that journey.

Goals. Setting goals is a big part of getting back on track.
Short term
1. Start journaling again. Journaling is a big part of weight loss. To be able to write down and express feelings that you cant express to everyone.
2. Workout at least 5 days a week. I don't think I am going to go as intense as I once did. I really burned myself out and I realize that now.
3. Eat. Take my lunch to work, make menus and stick to them.
4. Weigh in once a week. Put the scale away until weigh in day.
5.Cheat day. Once a week. Give myself a day to rest and eat (in moderation)
6. Aim for a 2 pound a week loss. If I don't hit 2 pounds, it's ok. As long as I know I gave it my best
7. Drink more water!

Long term
1. Hit my goal of 150 pounds no later then December 31st.
2. Run the Disney Princess Half Marathon Feb. 2011
3. Pay it forward. Inspire and motivate others to learn and live a healthy lifestyle by example.

I will get back on track. I will be proud. I'm worth it!

Scared...

So, I am scared to death! It has finally hitting me that we are leaving missouri tomorrow! I was really excited until today. I called to confirm our tlf and they were so mean to me and told me we could not have all the cats with us there! So, obviously I started crying! BAD. I have been so stressed out these last few weeks that it just finally was the last straw and I freakin lost it. It did not help that the packers were here. I went into zombie mode. I basically stayed in the room with the cats all day. Just crying and basically out of it. Great time for everything to come to a head! So I called my best friend Becca (who is watching the cats while we are visiting family) and basically cried my heart and asked her if me and the cats could stay with her until Kenny finds a house. She said of course. She actually sounded really excited. She said that it is great that she will be able to spend more time with me. So what's going to happen is after we go to visit our families we will head back to Tennessee as planned. But instead of me heading to Florida with Kenny, he will go by himself and stay in tlf and get everything set up and the paperwork in and (cross your fingers) hopefully get approved for cats in base housing. Then I will pack up the cats and head to Florida. So He will get there May 18th and I am hoping to be there no later then May 29th. So please pray that everything goes as planned. Well everything that has been turned upside down figures itself out.

The nice thing is with kenny and my laptops we both have webcams. So we will be able to talk on the phone and webcam. So that will be good.

So please everyone reading this say a little prayer for my family, and me to quit stressing and my anxiety go down.

Stuck...

So I am officially STUCK. I have hit a plateau, a mental wall and just a flat out burn out. I know what most of you are thinking...I told ya so! I know. I have been working so hard lately, I had a routine when I was working. I scheduled everything. Now I have not been working, I am going out of my mind. My ocd is not kicking in. Plus with this move, I am stressing out very bad. Seems like I am the only one who is stressing. But hey, that is just how I am. The movers and packers come to pack on Monday and they move stuff tuesday and we are out of Missouri wednesday. Part of me just wants to say ehhh just take this week off. The other part of me wants to go go go to get the stress to go away. I know I will not get to work out wednesday and thats cool. But I am really hoping to get to the gym on thursday. I want to look my absolute best when I go home to see my family. My goal was to be 180 pounds. Thats 70 pounds down. But honestly with my stress level and lack of work ethic...I dont think I will get there. My heart says it is ok, but my ocd in my head says that is a failure. I keep saying look how far you have come. But, my stubbornness is just going nuts! Dang bipolar!

So I have a game plan for tomorrow (sunday) and monday after the movers leave and I think tuesday after the movers leave. But we shall see. I just am MENTALLY out to pasture. I need to get my head back in the game. I want to start another challenge with myself. But I dunno. We will see.

Reaching those stars...

So as I took my daily walk, by myself today ( that's a rarity) I actually got to clear my head and think. As I listened to my music and walked a hill, I thought to myself a year ago I could not even walk this tiny hill, now..ehh no big deal. Didn't even break a sweat. Not till further in my walk I realized what a goals I had set back in the beginning of my journey and how many of them I have achieved. It's crazy! I started with 10 goals:

1.To be 180 pounds (last week I weighed in 191..I will weigh in again Tuesday March 30th) So I am almost there.

2.To be able to run. I am doing that! Everyday! Never did I think I would day I was a runner

3.To stop listening to the negative things and become a more positive person. So done that! I am such a happier more positive person then I was.

4.To stop the junk food! I was eating ice cream, sonic blasts, candy almost every day. Now I let myself have a bit on my cheat day. But my beloved sonic blasts..eck...i cant stomach them anymore!

5.To be more outgoing. Come out of my shell! Oh so true, I am back to the Anna I used to be! Back to the outgoing, fun loving person! No more, depressed hermit!

6.To be able to inspire others to get healthy too. I am pretty sure I have done that. My biggest thing was I was so scared to go to the gym and be judged by people. I want to show people that it is ok to go to the gym. Whether you are 300 pounds or 150 pounds. Don't be afraid!

7.To be open to try new things. Exercise, food and people! I so have done that! This past October I went to Wisconsin and met with my girls! Tried quinoa, learned what organic meant, and workouts that took mine to a whole other level!

8.To be able to work out for more then 10 minutes! I know that sounds silly, but it is true. At the beginning of this journey I could not even make it through the warm ups on my workouts! Now I am exercising daily an hour and a half to two hours a day.

9.To do a road race. I completed my first 5K in March and I set my goal back when I started to run the Disney princess half marathon! I am training for that right now and will complete this goal in March 2011.

10.Finally, the most important goal of all....to take care of myself and put myself as a priority. I know this may sound conceded but you have to do this for yourself. When I was 250+ pounds I didn't care what I looked like, what my health was, how my mental state was. I always put everyone in front of me. Now, I know I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. Thats to Kristin Steede and Bob Harper, I have learned that I'm Worth It! I am worth taking care of myself. I am worth kicking heart disease when I am older. I am worth seeing my nieces and nephews grow up. I am worth being a great friend for extra years! I am worth being there for my husband for many years to come.

So as I walked and thought of how I have overcome almost every single goal I set for myself it really hit me....I am doing this. I have the determination, motivation and drive that I never thought I would have. I have committed myself to a healthy me! And learned that it feels great I feel great! I decided when I hit 180 pounds My last goal on my list...I get to make new goals! Ones that I am sure will take a year or so to complete..but I can and will do it! No matter what! Thank you everyone who has supported me in this journey! You have all been my rock's in one way or another! You are all amazing!

What a crazy life I live

So things have been going well the last few weeks. Kenny and I took a well needed break from life this past week. We went to the Chateau Avalon in Kansas City. I highly recommend it! We ate and were just in heaven. Then I came back and stepped on the scale...uhh no so happy after that. In 2 days I gained 5 pounds! SERIOUSLY 5 pounds. We took the days on Monday and Tuesday. So I will have almost a week to try and get back to the weight I was before my cheeseburger in paradise. But, it seriously is WAY harder getting it back off as it was putting it on. I never realized how hard it would be to lose weight once I got into the 100's. I have been working twice as hard and it seems like I am not getting the results I want/need. I am hoping that the weather gets better again so I can start running. It is so hard with my work schedule and them taking our days off to get to the gym. So thats a bust. Working 7 to 8 days straight is not fun.

With only 1 to 2 days off in between. I seriously cant catch up on anything. But it is almost over. Only 2 more work cycles and then I am done. And craziness ensues, we will finally be getting out of Missouri. But all the work that we have to get done before then seems overwhelming. And with them taking our days of break it is hard to get anything done when everything on base closes at 4PM and the kids are not picked up until then. But we think the movers and packers should be here April 16, 19 and leave the 20th. That will give us 2 days to clean and we are hoping to get our final walk through on April 23rd. Then it is off to on an 8 hour drive to Becca's in murfreesboro from April 23rd to April 30th. Then after that a 10 hour drive to my dad's in astabula ohio for 3 days and then 4 hour drive to my mom's in fayette city, pa. We will be there from May 3rd to May 16th. We leave there the with for our LONG drive to Florida. We are planning on stopping in Chattanooga TN for a night. That's 10 hours from my mom's house. Then on the 17th a 8 hour drive to hurlburt field afb, Florida. In about 2 ½ weeks we will be driving 2500 miles and car time of 38 hours. But it will all be worth it in the end. We get to see our families, which we have not spent time with in almost 2 years.

So that's my rambling. Thanks for reading and have a great day!

One year ago today...

March 11 2009, that was the day I decided to change my life. Today marks my 1 year anniversary of my weight loss journey. And if you would have told me I would have had the determination and motivation to keep it going for a year I would have thought you were crazy. But I did and am still going. 59 pounds in 1 year. I am 11 pounds until I hit my goal I set at 250 + thats 180. I set a new goal when I hit 199 pounds that I wanted to be 150 as my ideal goal. I have 41 more pounds to go! If it takes me another year so be it! I have the determination and motivation to keep going. The drive to get healthy and to teach others that they can do it too. I was there and will NEVER be there again.

What an emotional, wonderful, frustrating, happy and crazy journey this has been. I have met so many wonderful people along this journey. I have received so much support for family, friends and people who I don't even know. I am beyond grateful to everyone that has been there for me along the way! I could not have done this without my support! You all are just as detrimental to me as food and exercise.

Speaking of food and exercise, I went from eating a whole pizza, 3 hamburger and a large fries and all junk to chicken, turkey burgers and steamed veggies! I have learned that moderation is key. You cant deprive yourself of some of the things you used to like. Also portion control! What an amazing thing that is. Weighing my food, counting my calories. WOW! Never in the world would I thought I would be doing that.

As for exercise, when I started this crazy ride, I could not make it through the warm up of a dvd, and I could only walk 10 minutes and I was done. Now I am doing about 2 hours of exercise a day. I am RUNNING (which I thought I would NEVER do), I am doing P90X, kick boxing, and my Richard Simmons and Biggest Loser DVD's all the way through. It's AMAZING to me.

Not only have I transformed on the outside, but on the inside too. I am learning that I have to put myself first. I have to take care of myself so I can take care of others. I have learned that it is ok to do that. Some think it is selfish, but if you don't then you will not thrive and be where I was.

So here is a hooray to this year and many healthy and happy years to go!

Thanks everyone!