Grocery Store Anxiety

So, I am in between workouts and I thought I would let you know about my experience this morning at the grocery store.

So there were a few things that i had forgot at the store saturday that I needed to pick up today. Well it was the first trip back to the store since I got back on the wagon. And it was a doozie. I have NEVER had so much anxiety going into a grocery store! I was so afraid that I would not stick to my list! I sat in the car for 5 minutes talking myself to go in! CrAzY! I went in and think I broke the world's fastest shopping record! I got in and got out. Wavered on one thing. I got a diet mountain dew. Diet ehhhh, at least it was not regular.

So my store adventure.....wow!

Ready...Set....GO

So over the last I would say 2 1/2 weeks I have been out of control. Out of wacko....OUT! No exercise, eating whatever...yeah...NOT GOOD!

So today November 1st. I am recommitting myself to do this for myself. To leave all mental drama behind me. To focus on me and the people I love the most. To make a routine and stick with it, even if I have to push trough the pain. To not get tunnel vision. Realize that yes there is a life outside of weight loss. And I have a right to live that too! I need to learn that exercise and weight loss and eating right is apart of my life now. I need to take things out and put things in so I can get it right. I think I have a few things figured out, but there is still a long way to go!

New start, new day! I AM WORTH IT! I am committed to do this FOR MYSELF, BY MYSELF! No one can do it for me! I am ready to start this full force again and not let anyone or anything get in MY way!

I will do this MY WAY and I will get it right! I am SOOOOO close and have came SOOOO far. I REFUSE to stop now!

12 pounds and motivation

ok everyone, This is crunch time for me. It is almost the holidays and I DON'T wanna fall off the wagon. I have made a goal for myself to loose 12 pounds by December 31. I need everyone's help and support! Any recipes are ALWAYS welcome. Any advice from ANYONE is welcome! Once I hit my 199my 12 pounds lost) I will have 19 pounds until I hit my 180. That's my goal weight. I plan on setting another goal for 165 when I hit my goal weight!

alright everyone. i need motivation and i need people to keep me in check! BE REAL and BLUNT with me! PLEASE!

Thanks!

Now that's amazing!

So today a friend challenged me to make some side by side photos. I sat here in tears as I looked at them. All I could say was wow...now that's amazing! I can not believe a year ago how unmotivated, and un happy I was. Now I am happy ( or getting there ) Yes I have my days! My ups and downs but now I realized it is all worth it! I'M WORTH IT! I am so deturmined. I may not have lost the most, but I have the passion and power that those who have hundredes of pounds to loose. I do this every day! I am learning to balance things. My life, my job, my food everything and I am learning to live SIMPLE! And I LOVE it!

PROUD......

I know I may have posted this before, but please sit and listen to the lyrics! They are life changing!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkysd9mQho

Why is it...

So it has been a while since I have wrote a “meaningful” blog. I don't mean oh the meaning of life or what not, but just something deep. I have all these thought that roll through my head at a constant minute to minute pace and I figured it would be kinda therapeutic to get them out and just “clean out” my head. So here it goes. These are just RANDOM thoughts. So please no one take offense.

Why is it that people judge you by the size you are. They do the “skinny check” before they even talk to you? What does it matter? Why would you get looked over for a job because you are not considered snooty or one of the beautiful people?

Why is it that we look up to someone and put them on a pedestal? When we really should be looking at ourselves? Putting ourselves on that pedestal and believing in ourselves. There is a lot of people out there that look up to that one person to change their life. But honestly they need to go look in the mirror and see that you are the only one who can change your life. Not some celebrity or author or fitness guru. But yourself.

Why is it that I am 27 years old and have no clue what I want to do with my life? Don't get me wrong I absolutely adore and love my husband and that part of my life. But I am not happy with the twists and turns that life has given to me. I want a career that I am revered for. I want a career that I get paid good for. I want a career that makes me happy and where I won't be working 110 hours a week and not a person seems to notice how it is killing me.

Why is it that people ALWAYS look at the negative. There is a whole lot of negativity in this world. Why can't their be a positive voice. A positive vibe? Come on people...just freakin smile for a change.

Why is it that I am always the one who gets called when they need someone to listen, but when I need to talk there is no one to listen to me?

Ok, I think that is enough for today. Just some random things. Ask yourselves a few of these questions... you will be surprised at some of your answers!

inspiration and frustration

*~*~*~*~*~WARNING VENT~*~*~*~*~*

yes, that has been my week. A week of inspirations and frustrations. excitement and then depression. seems like NOTHING i did this week goes right. i should know better then to plan something. every time i do, it goes right down the crapper! every time I get my hopes up....u guessed it...down the crapper they go. so from now on i am not going to plan...just go and be happy. i am going to quit worrying about things i can not change. and worry about me. selfish i know. but i gotta do what i gotta do. i am tired of getting my hopes broken. so it's time i quit looking up to someone but instead look in the mirror at me. see me for who i am and for who i will be. i will search for that dream job that will fit me. i will get to my goal weight. I will reach my dreams!