A Journey To A New Me

Scary Truth...

2011-05-03T23:22:00.000-05:00

So tonight I was getting ready to write in my journal and then I was going to have my night chat with kenny. Well by the time I reached for my journal be was out and snoring like a mac truck. So I decided to write this blog. This one little blog that I have been putting off for MONTHS now. Things I have not wanted to tell anyone because I dont want people to see me as a failure. But here goes nothing.

Over the last year I have struggled with my weight. From moving to different jobs I have managed to go from 185 back to 195. I wanted to be honest with everyone who is reading this. I have had some VERY rough times. I feel like a complete failure. How can I talk to people about changing their lives when I have gained 10 pounds! Yes I have lost 65 pounds, but I still feel like a hypocrite. Also, I am supposed to be studying for my personal training certification....who wants a fat personal trainer.

I can not get myself together. I dont really have a support system anymore. Kenny, bless his heart, is just my enabler. I have no one to hold me accountable like I hold others. I could do wonderful exercise but blow everything on diet. WHAT AM I DOING? I am afraid that if I do not do something soon I may lose my job.

I was reading my old journals the other night and I was so driven and determined and positive. Now I am back to being blah, negative and making excuses. I really do forget why I started this journey. And that makes me cry every time I think about it. I was working so hard and now I am slipping back to the habits that got me to 260 pounds.

I am failing. I am not making anyone proud, not even myself. Every time I get back up I self sabotage myself and fall right back into my pit.

I sacrificed everything to get here and now I am drowning. Struggling.....

where to go from here?

2 years ago

2011-03-11T11:14:00.008-06:00

On March 10, 2009 I woke up and decided that it was time to change my life. I want to start back at the beginning of my story because I NEVER want to forget where I came from.

I spent nights in bed crying to my husband because I could not breath. My weight was literally crushing me to the point where I had to sleep with a fan and sit up to breath.

So, January 2009 I made that new years resolution to lose weight, but of course I broke it 2 days in. I then decided after my primary doctor had suggested to me MANY times that I would look into gastric bypass surgery. I was 260 pounds. March 11, 2009 I was supposed to see the surgeon for my big consultation for the gastric bypass surgery. March 10, 2009 was the day I CHANGED MY LIFE. I woke up that day and decided that surgery was just not for me. I said I would give myself a year to do this on my own and if I could not do it I would then see the surgeon.

I was determined that this was MY time. I have seen so many people on all these tv shows lose weight, why couldn't I. So baby steps I took. Cutting out my favorite chinese restaurant only to once a week instead of twice and drinking more water. When I really started logging my food in my notebook it clicked just how much I was eating. Some days I ate over 4000 calories a day...A DAY! What was I doing to myself! After just slowly fixing my eating I had lost 5 pounds. So thats when I added exercise. I started out with a Biggest Loser dvd, I could not make it through the warm up. But I kept trying. I also bought a little pedal bike I could sit on the couch and watch tv and pedal. I started at 15 minutes of activity a day. The next week I added 5 more minutes and so on. On my days off of work I was exercising almost 2 hours a day!

I was doing this! I was seeing the results. By August 2009 I had lost 40 pounds. I then met a great support group of girls. They showed me that it's not only about weight. It's about fixing myself mentally too. The support and love they showed me will stay with me for the REST of my life. They are all angels in my book!

January 19, 2010 was a BIG milestone for me. Thats the day I weighed in at 199 pounds. I have never felt more proud of myself in my entire life. It's so empowering to realize that I AM DOING THIS!

April 2010 is when I decided to start to maintain my weight loss. We moved to Florida and stress began. At this point I was 185 pounds. I was able to go visit my family before I came to Florida. I got to see my mom who is my biggest fan! I was SO proud to show her what I was able to to. To see the smile on her face, made me feel so proud. I remember the first thing she said to me when she saw me get out of the car, OH MY GOODNESS, WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER!! LOL! That made me smile!

Fast forward to the present, March 10, 2011. I will tell you that this last year has been VERY tough. Moving, new jobs, and a whole new area has taken a toll on me. I did gain 5 pounds to 190. Through hard work I am back to 185 pounds! 75 pounds down! On my way to 100 pounds down! I can do this! I am loving the way my life has taken me.

Now, thats my story. It's time to get to the nitty gritty that I want to never forget. This has been a struggle. I am not going to lie. The HARDEST thing I have ever had to face in my 28 years of life. My husband has been the best supporter in this journey. He has seen me through good times and bad. I am blessed to have him. But, even with all this support I have realized that I had to do this with/for myself. I am the only one who can help myself. I have always said that this journey is 80% mental and 20% physical. I realized that my self worth was non existent. I have had many ahh haa moments in this journey. But the day that I realized that I was worth it, really was a monumental moment. I even got a tattoo on my ankle that reads I'm Worth It. So I can see it every day. Not only am I worth losing weight, but I am worth taking care of myself, I am worth self respect, I am worth it all! Positivity was another big thing I learned the hard way. My life was full of negative thoughts and negative people. So I got rid of them all and changed everything to the positive. Yes, I still have negative self talk, “I cant do that exercise, or I can have a 2nd piece of cake, but I try to turn that negative talk into a positive one. Not I can't but I will try my best and if I don’t get it this time, I will do it next time. I wont give up.

I will tell you that this has been a struggle. If someone on a journey like mine tells you different, they are lying. BUT, I realized that each struggle, each stumble, each time I fell off that wagon, I got back up. I did not let it get me down. As my dad and brother would tell me “I didn't hear no bell”. Get Up!

If you would have asked me 2 years ago what I would be doing at this moment, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. I am paying it forward. I have had so many accomplishments. I ran a 5K (3.2 miles) in March 2010, I ran a 5K (3.2 miles) in July 2010 andI ran a 10K (6.2 miles) in December 2010 I am working at an awesome gym, running a weight loss program-teaching people everything that I have learned. Not only do I teach the nutritional aspect, but the mental aspect. Letting my clients know that I love them. They are worth taking care of themselves. I want to support them just like my family and friends supported me. It's all about accountability. Plus I am studying for my personal training certification through (ACE- The American Council on Exercise). That is a dream come true! I also am working at an organic cafe. I learn more and more everyday about different foods that I have never even heard of before. It's amazing all of the wonderful foods I am learning about and how to cook things in a healthy way.

The people that have helped me along this journey I am so grateful for. My husband, my parents,my family, my best friend(Becca), my sisters (Ali,Mesha,Val), my amazing bosses, my friends, my facebook friends and everyone that I have helped along the way. I am blessed to have angels in heaven too that I know are watching over me, protecting me and I know they are proud of me!

If there is one thing I can tell anyone who is thinking about starting a journey, is just beginning a journey or have been living this journey that is YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Thanks so much for reading!

-Anna

2011 Commitments to Myself

2010-12-27T11:04:00.002-06:00

Hello all. So I know I have not updated in quite a while. But I wanted to put my 2011 commitments out there for everyone to see so that you all can help me.

I wise woman said that one should not make resolutions but commitments to onself. Resolutions are made to be broken, but commitments are goals that stay strong.

So here are mine.

Work towards a healthier me:
-get to my weight loss goal of 150 pounds and maintain it
-learn more about my bipolar disorder and things I can do to balance myself
-learn more about yoga and meditation
-get on a exercise routine

Focus on myself
-work on taking care of myself first. I cant take care of others if I dont take care of myself first. I have to be selfish for once.
-work on becoming more confident in my own skin.
-to remember that i only have this one life and one body and I am worth taking care of myself
-learn to say NO

Learn to cook new and healthier things
-try new foods and learn to cook them
-learn to cook the foods I already know in a healthier way

Money Management
-Spending: need vs wants
-Savings- how to put money back and learning new ways to save
-speak to someone to help learn more on money management

Do something this year that I would never thought I would ever do
-not sure what that is yet

Travel
-visit places that I have never been
-at least 2 trips-even if just a day trip

Be ready to run/walk/run a half marathon or already have completed one by December 31

Learn new ways to make my marriage stronger

I am sure I will be adding to this list through out the year. But these are the MAJOR things in my life that I myself need to fix. I know I have to do this on my own. But some cheerleaders are always welcome!

Got a plan!

2010-07-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

Need Your Help...Got a plan

So as most of you know my weight loss journey has not been the easiest thing that I have ever done in my lifetime. I have had MANY ups and downs along my journey. I have hit a MAJOR wall the last few weeks and I am looking for some help. I know I have motivated a few of you all and now I need that motivation from you all.

Here is my plan.

I have 7 months until my half marathon. With my nike chip I can use the half marathon training program which takes 12 weeks. So I will be starting that program in November. So from August 1st to November 15th I am challenging myself to loose 35 pounds. That will be my goal weight of 150 pounds. So that 3 ½ months.

This is where I need all of your help. I am looking for encouragement, motivation, support and basically a reality check at times. I need challenges. I sometimes loose focus of what I am really trying to do. And thats where I think I have been these last few months.

So what I am going to do is get back to the basics. Back to where I started. Back to eating like I did when I was loosing 2 pounds a week. Back to being positive and going in the right direction.

I have a workout plan, an eating plan and now I am just asking for some motivation and encouragement. Shoot me an email, a text message, a fb comment, a fb message. Anything.

Thank you all so much for the love and support that I have received so far!

Learning to Live

2010-07-06T20:14:00.001-05:00

So I was thinking today that there is so much negativity coming from my way these last few months and i think that has a lot to do with my plateau. Once I started being positive, poof 2 pound loss. If you really think about it…positivity has to be in this journey. If not your gonna fail. You have to focus on that goal and that dream. POSITIVITY.

Helping others is my calling! Paying it forward is amazing! I wish I could help everyone. I wish I had all of the answers to everyone's question. I am trying hard to find all of the answers. I am the walking, talking living person who has done this. I may not have the experience schooling…but life wise…I am there. I have lived way more then some people who are "book smart". I had a person tell me today that they liked talking to me because I was not the typical weight loss coach. They liked talking to me because I had the experience. I have lived that life. I have had those struggles. I have had ups and downs. To hear that…makes my heart sing. Finally, someone who "gets" why I am doing this. Why I am so passionate about this. FINALLY!

So I have been looking for this song for a long time. It is the theme song to the new Jillian Michaels show. Powerful words.

Learning to Live~Beth Hart

I keep my head on straight
And my eyes wide open
I try to move forward
Wishing and hoping
I took a hold of myself
In the middle of November
Don’t you look back now
Is all I can remember

I feel like I’m leaving
Like I’m leaving home
Like the clouds are parting, and I’m not alone

[Chorus 1]
I’m learning to live
Living to learn
Starting to sing my song
Right, or wrong
Breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me
I’m learning to live

I got my vanity crisis
From my beautiful mother
I’m not gonna go there
I’m anything other
Take another deep breath now
It’s just one more hurdle
I’m breaking this line
Before it comes full circle

I feel like I’m leaving
Like I’m leaving home
Like the clouds are parting, and I’m not alone

[Chorus 2]
I’m learning to live
Living to learn
Starting to sing my song
Right, or wrong
Breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me

I found a place, where I can lay my shit down
Somewhere that I can finally be myself - be myself

[Chorus 2]
I’m learning to live
Living to learn
Starting to sing my song
Right, or wrong
Breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me

[Chorus 1]
I’m learning to live
(Living to learn)
(Starting to sing my song) living to learn
(Right, or wrong)
I’m breaking away
Setting me free
Free to be, my own me
I’m learning to live

Where did she go?

2010-06-03T15:53:00.000-05:00

Motivational….i dunno

so I have the job of my dreams teaching people what I have done over the last year and it is going to be wonderful….BUT my exercise,food is gone….my motivation, desire, accountability is not here. Where in the world did it go. I have been on this crazy ride for the last month and a half. We are finally moved in and getting settled. I started my "commitment" to myself Tuesday. BUT what am I thinking. Where is my mind. Where is the drive I used to have? Where is the passion I had to be healthy? Where is the person who made those goals to be 150 pounds? Where is that person who promised herself she would never fail? To be honest..I dunno? I sure need a swift kick in the pants! I want to be a great example for these folks I am going to be teaching. But how am I supposed to motivate them when I cant even motivate myself!

So..what do I do? Where do I go from here? How do I find that person who I was 2 months ago?

Proud?! Not right now……

Getting back on track...finally

2010-05-27T10:27:00.001-05:00

I can finally see the end of this tunnel. The moving tunnel. We get our things on friday and get to officially move in. I can not wait to get all my stuff and decorate my home. To finally feel at home. Thats going to be a big weight off my shoulders.

That was a segaway…weight….yes…I have fluctuated over the last month. 2 to 5 pounds. Not too bad. But starting on Monday May 31, I am going to get back on track. Back to the way we were eating and exercising. Tuesday i start work at a GYM! I finally get to pay things forward! It is going to be an honor to be able to help and workout next to others who are on this journey too. But with all that I have to get myself back to where I was to be able to help others.

Getting back on track is going to be hard. I know it is. And to be honest, I am scared. Over the last month my diet has not been the best and exercise has been…well almost non existent. So now I have to start over, reset, and get back on that journey.

Goals. Setting goals is a big part of getting back on track.
Short term
1. Start journaling again. Journaling is a big part of weight loss. To be able to write down and express feelings that you cant express to everyone.
2. Workout at least 5 days a week. I don't think I am going to go as intense as I once did. I really burned myself out and I realize that now.
3. Eat. Take my lunch to work, make menus and stick to them.
4. Weigh in once a week. Put the scale away until weigh in day.
5.Cheat day. Once a week. Give myself a day to rest and eat (in moderation)
6. Aim for a 2 pound a week loss. If I don't hit 2 pounds, it's ok. As long as I know I gave it my best
7. Drink more water!

Long term
1. Hit my goal of 150 pounds no later then December 31st.
2. Run the Disney Princess Half Marathon Feb. 2011
3. Pay it forward. Inspire and motivate others to learn and live a healthy lifestyle by example.

I will get back on track. I will be proud. I'm worth it!

Scared...

2010-04-19T20:05:00.000-05:00

So, I am scared to death! It has finally hitting me that we are leaving missouri tomorrow! I was really excited until today. I called to confirm our tlf and they were so mean to me and told me we could not have all the cats with us there! So, obviously I started crying! BAD. I have been so stressed out these last few weeks that it just finally was the last straw and I freakin lost it. It did not help that the packers were here. I went into zombie mode. I basically stayed in the room with the cats all day. Just crying and basically out of it. Great time for everything to come to a head! So I called my best friend Becca (who is watching the cats while we are visiting family) and basically cried my heart and asked her if me and the cats could stay with her until Kenny finds a house. She said of course. She actually sounded really excited. She said that it is great that she will be able to spend more time with me. So what's going to happen is after we go to visit our families we will head back to Tennessee as planned. But instead of me heading to Florida with Kenny, he will go by himself and stay in tlf and get everything set up and the paperwork in and (cross your fingers) hopefully get approved for cats in base housing. Then I will pack up the cats and head to Florida. So He will get there May 18th and I am hoping to be there no later then May 29th. So please pray that everything goes as planned. Well everything that has been turned upside down figures itself out.

The nice thing is with kenny and my laptops we both have webcams. So we will be able to talk on the phone and webcam. So that will be good.

So please everyone reading this say a little prayer for my family, and me to quit stressing and my anxiety go down.

Stuck...

2010-04-17T19:17:00.001-05:00

So I am officially STUCK. I have hit a plateau, a mental wall and just a flat out burn out. I know what most of you are thinking...I told ya so! I know. I have been working so hard lately, I had a routine when I was working. I scheduled everything. Now I have not been working, I am going out of my mind. My ocd is not kicking in. Plus with this move, I am stressing out very bad. Seems like I am the only one who is stressing. But hey, that is just how I am. The movers and packers come to pack on Monday and they move stuff tuesday and we are out of Missouri wednesday. Part of me just wants to say ehhh just take this week off. The other part of me wants to go go go to get the stress to go away. I know I will not get to work out wednesday and thats cool. But I am really hoping to get to the gym on thursday. I want to look my absolute best when I go home to see my family. My goal was to be 180 pounds. Thats 70 pounds down. But honestly with my stress level and lack of work ethic...I dont think I will get there. My heart says it is ok, but my ocd in my head says that is a failure. I keep saying look how far you have come. But, my stubbornness is just going nuts! Dang bipolar!

So I have a game plan for tomorrow (sunday) and monday after the movers leave and I think tuesday after the movers leave. But we shall see. I just am MENTALLY out to pasture. I need to get my head back in the game. I want to start another challenge with myself. But I dunno. We will see.

Reaching those stars...

2010-03-28T12:14:00.001-05:00

So as I took my daily walk, by myself today ( that's a rarity) I actually got to clear my head and think. As I listened to my music and walked a hill, I thought to myself a year ago I could not even walk this tiny hill, now..ehh no big deal. Didn't even break a sweat. Not till further in my walk I realized what a goals I had set back in the beginning of my journey and how many of them I have achieved. It's crazy! I started with 10 goals:

1.To be 180 pounds (last week I weighed in 191..I will weigh in again Tuesday March 30th) So I am almost there.

2.To be able to run. I am doing that! Everyday! Never did I think I would day I was a runner

3.To stop listening to the negative things and become a more positive person. So done that! I am such a happier more positive person then I was.

4.To stop the junk food! I was eating ice cream, sonic blasts, candy almost every day. Now I let myself have a bit on my cheat day. But my beloved sonic blasts..eck...i cant stomach them anymore!

5.To be more outgoing. Come out of my shell! Oh so true, I am back to the Anna I used to be! Back to the outgoing, fun loving person! No more, depressed hermit!

6.To be able to inspire others to get healthy too. I am pretty sure I have done that. My biggest thing was I was so scared to go to the gym and be judged by people. I want to show people that it is ok to go to the gym. Whether you are 300 pounds or 150 pounds. Don't be afraid!

7.To be open to try new things. Exercise, food and people! I so have done that! This past October I went to Wisconsin and met with my girls! Tried quinoa, learned what organic meant, and workouts that took mine to a whole other level!

8.To be able to work out for more then 10 minutes! I know that sounds silly, but it is true. At the beginning of this journey I could not even make it through the warm ups on my workouts! Now I am exercising daily an hour and a half to two hours a day.

9.To do a road race. I completed my first 5K in March and I set my goal back when I started to run the Disney princess half marathon! I am training for that right now and will complete this goal in March 2011.

10.Finally, the most important goal of all....to take care of myself and put myself as a priority. I know this may sound conceded but you have to do this for yourself. When I was 250+ pounds I didn't care what I looked like, what my health was, how my mental state was. I always put everyone in front of me. Now, I know I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of others. Thats to Kristin Steede and Bob Harper, I have learned that I'm Worth It! I am worth taking care of myself. I am worth kicking heart disease when I am older. I am worth seeing my nieces and nephews grow up. I am worth being a great friend for extra years! I am worth being there for my husband for many years to come.

So as I walked and thought of how I have overcome almost every single goal I set for myself it really hit me....I am doing this. I have the determination, motivation and drive that I never thought I would have. I have committed myself to a healthy me! And learned that it feels great I feel great! I decided when I hit 180 pounds My last goal on my list...I get to make new goals! Ones that I am sure will take a year or so to complete..but I can and will do it! No matter what! Thank you everyone who has supported me in this journey! You have all been my rock's in one way or another! You are all amazing!

What a crazy life I live

2010-03-21T10:32:00.000-05:00

So things have been going well the last few weeks. Kenny and I took a well needed break from life this past week. We went to the Chateau Avalon in Kansas City. I highly recommend it! We ate and were just in heaven. Then I came back and stepped on the scale...uhh no so happy after that. In 2 days I gained 5 pounds! SERIOUSLY 5 pounds. We took the days on Monday and Tuesday. So I will have almost a week to try and get back to the weight I was before my cheeseburger in paradise. But, it seriously is WAY harder getting it back off as it was putting it on. I never realized how hard it would be to lose weight once I got into the 100's. I have been working twice as hard and it seems like I am not getting the results I want/need. I am hoping that the weather gets better again so I can start running. It is so hard with my work schedule and them taking our days off to get to the gym. So thats a bust. Working 7 to 8 days straight is not fun.

With only 1 to 2 days off in between. I seriously cant catch up on anything. But it is almost over. Only 2 more work cycles and then I am done. And craziness ensues, we will finally be getting out of Missouri. But all the work that we have to get done before then seems overwhelming. And with them taking our days of break it is hard to get anything done when everything on base closes at 4PM and the kids are not picked up until then. But we think the movers and packers should be here April 16, 19 and leave the 20th. That will give us 2 days to clean and we are hoping to get our final walk through on April 23rd. Then it is off to on an 8 hour drive to Becca's in murfreesboro from April 23rd to April 30th. Then after that a 10 hour drive to my dad's in astabula ohio for 3 days and then 4 hour drive to my mom's in fayette city, pa. We will be there from May 3rd to May 16th. We leave there the with for our LONG drive to Florida. We are planning on stopping in Chattanooga TN for a night. That's 10 hours from my mom's house. Then on the 17th a 8 hour drive to hurlburt field afb, Florida. In about 2 ½ weeks we will be driving 2500 miles and car time of 38 hours. But it will all be worth it in the end. We get to see our families, which we have not spent time with in almost 2 years.

So that's my rambling. Thanks for reading and have a great day!

One year ago today...

2010-03-11T07:43:00.000-06:00

March 11 2009, that was the day I decided to change my life. Today marks my 1 year anniversary of my weight loss journey. And if you would have told me I would have had the determination and motivation to keep it going for a year I would have thought you were crazy. But I did and am still going. 59 pounds in 1 year. I am 11 pounds until I hit my goal I set at 250 + thats 180. I set a new goal when I hit 199 pounds that I wanted to be 150 as my ideal goal. I have 41 more pounds to go! If it takes me another year so be it! I have the determination and motivation to keep going. The drive to get healthy and to teach others that they can do it too. I was there and will NEVER be there again.

What an emotional, wonderful, frustrating, happy and crazy journey this has been. I have met so many wonderful people along this journey. I have received so much support for family, friends and people who I don't even know. I am beyond grateful to everyone that has been there for me along the way! I could not have done this without my support! You all are just as detrimental to me as food and exercise.

Speaking of food and exercise, I went from eating a whole pizza, 3 hamburger and a large fries and all junk to chicken, turkey burgers and steamed veggies! I have learned that moderation is key. You cant deprive yourself of some of the things you used to like. Also portion control! What an amazing thing that is. Weighing my food, counting my calories. WOW! Never in the world would I thought I would be doing that.

As for exercise, when I started this crazy ride, I could not make it through the warm up of a dvd, and I could only walk 10 minutes and I was done. Now I am doing about 2 hours of exercise a day. I am RUNNING (which I thought I would NEVER do), I am doing P90X, kick boxing, and my Richard Simmons and Biggest Loser DVD's all the way through. It's AMAZING to me.

Not only have I transformed on the outside, but on the inside too. I am learning that I have to put myself first. I have to take care of myself so I can take care of others. I have learned that it is ok to do that. Some think it is selfish, but if you don't then you will not thrive and be where I was.

So here is a hooray to this year and many healthy and happy years to go!

Thanks everyone!

A Well Needed Rest..

2010-03-02T07:39:00.003-06:00

So this past week I took a well needed break from my exercise regime. I took Feb 25th to the 28th off. Even though I felt like a lazy bum, I knew deep inside I needed it. My head thought otherwise. I Kept thinking I HAVE to workout. I HAVE to keep going. I will admit. I did over indulge on a few things. But, I guess I needed that too. My hubby kept me in check and kept telling me...Anna just RELAX! HA HA HA! So as I say and tried to relax, I thought what are you doing to your body...go go go go go. You just CANT do that! So I sat and wrote down a weekly regime for the next few weeks. This week I am focusing on running/walking really fast to prepare for my 5K this weekend. Next week I get back to P90X.

I also got a special tattoo on Feb. 26th. I got a tattoo on my left ankle that says I'm Worth It. For some strange reason I always put my left running shoe on first, so everyday I put my shoes on I see that wonderful reminder of what I truly am! Once I hit my 100 pounds down I plan on MAYBE getting stars on the other side on my ankle for every 20 pounds I have lost.

So this morning, Tuesday March 2nd was my weigh in and I in all honestly expected a gain, why shouldn't I since I ate. I was just praying that I maintained. Well I stepped on the scale and to my surprise...I lost 2 pounds! WHAT! Are you SERIOUS! I had to step on it 3 times to make sure! I was floored

So all in all, I learned my lesson. I need to quit beating myself up. And take care of myself before I burn myself completely out.

Google love...

2010-02-22T09:34:00.001-06:00

I stumbled across this today and found it REALLY interesting.

Googling for Help on Marriage

by Dave Boehi

What can you learn about the state of many marriages today from Google's most popular searches?

Sadly, quite a bit.

To see for yourself, go to the homepage for Google and type in "My husband." Google's "auto complete" function will then provide you with a number of suggestions to finish your search phrase, based on its most popular searches. Here's what came up on my browser:

My husband

...is annoying

...hates me

...doesn't love me

...is a jerk

...ignores me

...cheated on me

...is an alcoholic

Type in "My marriage" and here's what happens with the Google auto complete function:

My marriage

...is falling apart

...is in trouble

...is over

...is failing

...was a mistake

Pretty sobering.

I can't take credit for this idea. A colleague here at FamilyLife recently sent me an interesting blog post by Eyder Paralta on National Public Radio's website. "I once heard Andreas Weigend--former chief scientist for Amazon--say that Internet searches reveal our most secret desires," Paralta wrote. Taking his cue from another blogger, Paralta tested this theory by typing "How can I get my wife" and "How can I get my husband" into Google. Here's what appeared:

How can I get my wife

...to love me again

...in the mood

...to trust me again.

Here was a similar search:

How can I get my husband

...to fall in love with me again

...to be more affectionate

...to help around the house

...to want me

...to be more romantic

...back

This is just one piece of the picture of American marriage. But it's enough to show once again how many people are looking for help for their marriages and families.

Update on me!

2010-02-10T07:52:00.003-06:00

Hi all! It has been quite a while since I updated my blog. So since I have a few minutes I thought I would send an update out! Fun!

Well weight loss wise, as of Tuesday February 9,2010, I have lost 54 pounds. I am officially 196 pounds and PROUD. In a month I will have my year anniversary of the start of my journey! It is crazy! When I started this journey I set my long term goal weight at 180 pounds. It is so close. So I decided once I hit my long term goal I am going to set another goal. I wanna be 150 pounds. That would be 100 pounds lost for me. If it takes another year, so be it! I have learned so much over these last 11 months and met so many awesome people! How amazing! I am so blessed to have a wonderful support system to help me! And it feels so awesome to have them! I love you all! I feel so much better! It is an amazing feeling to be able to run! So here is a split pic for ya. 250 and 199 pounds. I have not taken a 196 yet. I am going to try and do pics every 5 pounds now.

Also I have decided on March 6, 2010, I am going to run my first 5K. I am scared...nervous but I AM GOING TO DO IT! Kenny is going to do it with me and I am so greatful for it! Any tips yall cam give me I would greatly appreciate it!

As for things coming up in the future, I have 9 weeks 1 day of work left. 9 weeks 2 days until I see my girls in KC 12 weeks until we leave MO, and 14 weeks 5 days until I see my Becca, and 14 weeks 8 daysish until we are actually in Florida! I cant wait! I am sooo looking forward to starting a new life down there. Now just to find a job! I am looking and getting help on my resume and cover letter from Becca! She has been a big help!

So other then that...I think Thats about it. Ghost Hunting is going well we are now apart of the TAPS Family which is soooo exciting! Work...well it's work! Cant wait to be done! LOL! That means more days closer to everything!

Thanks for checking out my blog! Hope yall have a WONDERFUL DAY!!!

Journal....

2009-12-17T22:20:00.001-06:00

December 17 2009

So I decided that it is way easier to type journals then to write them. I type way faster then I write. My to do list will still be written but things like these I am going to start to type.

There are soooo many things flying through my head right now. From the move, to taxes, to this new car, to my job, to exercising and eating right and taking care of my family! SOOO many things swirling. ECK!! Guess I will just take em one at time here.

The move- the af hurry up and wait tactic is really ticking me off. Me the organized person who needs control and needs to make sure we have everything settled cant do anything until the earliest middle January...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Taxes- so now is the time of year where I get to do the “ fun” activity of gathering my receipts and getting all my deductions in order. I am sure that things will work out just fine. They did last year. Even though I made double this year. I had 4 extra kids to take out. I am stressed all of a sudden hit me about taxes next year. Filing in Missouri and Florida and Ohio...ECKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We will do this!!! We have to do this!

New car- SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy about it. The one thing I am not so stressed over. I am relieved to have a dependable car. All I have to do is get all the paperwork ready and send it off. I will have to do that next week. No problem.

Jobs- I have been thinking about all the job opportunities in Florida. I need to work on my resume and get it together with a cover letter. Need to rock that.

Exercise and health- I need to make sure the next 2 weeks I am keeping up my routine. Maybe mixing things up going to the gym. But I am by myself. This is the perfect opportunity to rock it! TIME TO GET IT DONE!. 20 weeks until finale!

Family- Christmas away from the family again this year has been hard. We have not been home in years. It is sad. But I am hoping we get to skype. We have not had that in the years past! It will be awesome.

Going through stuff- I have not had the energy to get out in the garage and go through things and get into closets. We really don't have a lot of stuff. I am trying to sell things to make some extra money and it is working. Which is nice. I think Kenny and I could get things all together in a weekend. I think we could maybe a weekend and a few days. We will get it done. Lots of stuff to donate! Going to go through my fat clothes and donate them! I can not believe I just said that! LOL!

OK, I am actually starting to feel better. I just have to remember that Florida is a NEW START! No worries going into Florida. We need to squash them!!! We need to take one step at a time and cross those bridges when we get tot them. Not worry 6 months in advance like this. I will get through this. Kenny has been my rock! He tells me he will take care of it and that everything is going to be OK. I need to remember that! …..EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK!!!

A Change is Finally a Comin!

2009-11-19T09:21:00.000-06:00

A change is finally a comin!

I have been waiting and praying for a change to come in my life and after many, many, many disappointments, FINALLY I get one. We are moving to Florida!!! When Kenny told me that we were moving to Florida the first words out of my mouth was.....I need to work out! LOL! I wanna look healthy especially living in Florida! Plus, we are hopefully going home before we head down there and I wanna look SUPER DUPER awesome when I see my family! So FINALLY something awesome to focus on and look forward to and work towards! I have 5 months....I can and will do this! There is so much stuff that I have to do in those 5 months, but a healthy lifestyle never stops! So my routine sticks! And by the time I get to Florida...I am hoping to be at my first goal weight of 180 pounds. Then I can start my next 30 pounds and then it maintain time! I will be training for my half marathon too! So finally big changes are coming....and for once.....

I AM READY!

Anna and the chinese buffet....

2009-11-06T14:15:00.002-06:00

So last night was a BATTLE. We met a few friends at a local Chinese restaurant. Which is my favorite. I wanted to suggest a healthy option but was shot down. So I took the chance.

As I sat outside of the restaurant I STILL had no idea what I was going to do! I sat down at the table and STILL had no idea what I was going to do. As I sat there I thought to myself...is it worth it. Is it the best option for me today? Do I wanna blow my week, and not get a free day on Saturday.....WELL, I decided NOPE. I sat there and watched everyone eat the food I wanted SOOOOOO bad! Nope, a glass of ice water held me over until we left and I headed straight to subway!

I can not even express how proud of myself I was! I COULD NOT believe myself. I had the self control. WOW! A few months ago I would not have even thought twice and just ate it...but I didn't!

Grocery Store Anxiety

2009-11-03T13:50:00.000-06:00

So, I am in between workouts and I thought I would let you know about my experience this morning at the grocery store.

So there were a few things that i had forgot at the store saturday that I needed to pick up today. Well it was the first trip back to the store since I got back on the wagon. And it was a doozie. I have NEVER had so much anxiety going into a grocery store! I was so afraid that I would not stick to my list! I sat in the car for 5 minutes talking myself to go in! CrAzY! I went in and think I broke the world's fastest shopping record! I got in and got out. Wavered on one thing. I got a diet mountain dew. Diet ehhhh, at least it was not regular.

So my store adventure.....wow!

Ready...Set....GO

2009-11-01T01:16:00.002-05:00

So over the last I would say 2 1/2 weeks I have been out of control. Out of wacko....OUT! No exercise, eating whatever...yeah...NOT GOOD!

So today November 1st. I am recommitting myself to do this for myself. To leave all mental drama behind me. To focus on me and the people I love the most. To make a routine and stick with it, even if I have to push trough the pain. To not get tunnel vision. Realize that yes there is a life outside of weight loss. And I have a right to live that too! I need to learn that exercise and weight loss and eating right is apart of my life now. I need to take things out and put things in so I can get it right. I think I have a few things figured out, but there is still a long way to go!

New start, new day! I AM WORTH IT! I am committed to do this FOR MYSELF, BY MYSELF! No one can do it for me! I am ready to start this full force again and not let anyone or anything get in MY way!

I will do this MY WAY and I will get it right! I am SOOOOO close and have came SOOOO far. I REFUSE to stop now!

12 pounds and motivation

2009-10-25T11:42:00.003-05:00

ok everyone, This is crunch time for me. It is almost the holidays and I DON'T wanna fall off the wagon. I have made a goal for myself to loose 12 pounds by December 31. I need everyone's help and support! Any recipes are ALWAYS welcome. Any advice from ANYONE is welcome! Once I hit my 199my 12 pounds lost) I will have 19 pounds until I hit my 180. That's my goal weight. I plan on setting another goal for 165 when I hit my goal weight!

alright everyone. i need motivation and i need people to keep me in check! BE REAL and BLUNT with me! PLEASE!

Thanks!

Now that's amazing!

2009-10-20T17:12:00.002-05:00

So today a friend challenged me to make some side by side photos. I sat here in tears as I looked at them. All I could say was wow...now that's amazing! I can not believe a year ago how unmotivated, and un happy I was. Now I am happy ( or getting there ) Yes I have my days! My ups and downs but now I realized it is all worth it! I'M WORTH IT! I am so deturmined. I may not have lost the most, but I have the passion and power that those who have hundredes of pounds to loose. I do this every day! I am learning to balance things. My life, my job, my food everything and I am learning to live SIMPLE! And I LOVE it!

PROUD......

2009-10-18T19:53:00.002-05:00

I know I may have posted this before, but please sit and listen to the lyrics! They are life changing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbkysd9mQho

Why is it...

2009-10-05T10:32:00.001-05:00

So it has been a while since I have wrote a “meaningful” blog. I don't mean oh the meaning of life or what not, but just something deep. I have all these thought that roll through my head at a constant minute to minute pace and I figured it would be kinda therapeutic to get them out and just “clean out” my head. So here it goes. These are just RANDOM thoughts. So please no one take offense.

Why is it that people judge you by the size you are. They do the “skinny check” before they even talk to you? What does it matter? Why would you get looked over for a job because you are not considered snooty or one of the beautiful people?

Why is it that we look up to someone and put them on a pedestal? When we really should be looking at ourselves? Putting ourselves on that pedestal and believing in ourselves. There is a lot of people out there that look up to that one person to change their life. But honestly they need to go look in the mirror and see that you are the only one who can change your life. Not some celebrity or author or fitness guru. But yourself.

Why is it that I am 27 years old and have no clue what I want to do with my life? Don't get me wrong I absolutely adore and love my husband and that part of my life. But I am not happy with the twists and turns that life has given to me. I want a career that I am revered for. I want a career that I get paid good for. I want a career that makes me happy and where I won't be working 110 hours a week and not a person seems to notice how it is killing me.

Why is it that people ALWAYS look at the negative. There is a whole lot of negativity in this world. Why can't their be a positive voice. A positive vibe? Come on people...just freakin smile for a change.

Why is it that I am always the one who gets called when they need someone to listen, but when I need to talk there is no one to listen to me?

Ok, I think that is enough for today. Just some random things. Ask yourselves a few of these questions... you will be surprised at some of your answers!

inspiration and frustration

2009-10-03T00:49:00.002-05:00

*~*~*~*~*~WARNING VENT~*~*~*~*~*

yes, that has been my week. A week of inspirations and frustrations. excitement and then depression. seems like NOTHING i did this week goes right. i should know better then to plan something. every time i do, it goes right down the crapper! every time I get my hopes up....u guessed it...down the crapper they go. so from now on i am not going to plan...just go and be happy. i am going to quit worrying about things i can not change. and worry about me. selfish i know. but i gotta do what i gotta do. i am tired of getting my hopes broken. so it's time i quit looking up to someone but instead look in the mirror at me. see me for who i am and for who i will be. i will search for that dream job that will fit me. i will get to my goal weight. I will reach my dreams!

Just relax....

2009-09-13T17:07:00.002-05:00

Ha ha ha ha, now that is something i hear all the time. Anna, just relax. And I just have to laugh because honestly...I forgot how. No, being totally serious. I make time for work (even on my days I am supposed to be off...they still find a way to make me work), my husband, my family, my friends, my workout...but not myself. As a friend of mine said a while back...I have tunnel vision. I do!! I have been so focused on my weight loss, I have lost me. The fun, loving me. I dunno what it means to relax anymore. I have a room full of scrapbooking supplies that i have not touched in a year. It's not that I don't want to..it's I don't feel like it. I know that seems like a cop out. But to be creative you have to feel it. And I don't. Plus it takes thinking and with this tunnel vision I have...ha ha ha thinking in my world is hitting my numbers on my bodybugg, making sure that everyone else is taken care of but myself. Granted, I have been taking care of myself physically. Eating better, working out...BUT and a big BUT I have not been mentally taking care of myself. I have no concept of relaxation. My mind goes 100 miles a minute all the time. Planning and worrying and trying to stay a head of myself to make sure I don't slip and get back into the "old me". I don't want to be that girl anymore. I wanna be outgoing and fun. but it seems right now I am dull and focused. GRRRRR.

So for those of you who read this....what do you do to relax. To mentally take care of yourself. I am needing something. Something that does not require too much thinking...Seriously....LOL!

Thanks for reading my bumbling.

Aloha Team Purple Event

2009-08-18T14:53:00.001-05:00

http://www.kristinsteede.com/blog/aloha-team-purple/

Songs...

2009-08-10T09:36:00.002-05:00

I was listening to my MP3 player the other day and found some songs whos lyrics are so real for me! So I decided to post some!

Declaration- David Cook

I'll take you just the way you areimperfect words inside the perfect songI feel you closer than you areI've been waiting far too long too long

It's my declaration to anyone whose listeningyou're my inspirationas I stand alone against the worldCause you love Can you bleed cause you stole my souland set me freeit's my declaration

do you care what i believeCuz I'm still breathingor that i wear a heart upon my sleevesometimes i think you never knewthe only truth i see is youit's you.

It's my declarationto anyone whose listeningyou're my inspirationas I stand alone against the worldCause you love Can you bleedcause you stole my souland set me freeit's my declaration

And are there any words to saythat i would ever mean enoughwhen the light runs from the daywill the darkness be too muchwill i ever be enough

it's my declarationto anyone whose listeningYou're my inspirationas i stand alone against the worldCause you love Can you bleedand you stole my souland set me free,

It's my declaration so tell me you can hear these words tonight It's my declaration.

It's My Life- Bon Jovi

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted No silent prayer for the faith-departed I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd You're gonna hear my voice When I shout it out loud

Chorus: It's my life It's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just wanna live while I'm alive It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground For Tommy and Gina who never backed down Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake Luck ain't even lucky Got to make your own breaks

It's my life And it's now or never I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive

It's my life And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever I just want to live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway Like Frankie said I did it my way I just want to live while I'm alive 'Cause it's my life!

One Step at a Time- Jordin Sparks

Hurry Up And WaitSo Close, But So Far AwayEverything That You've Always Dreamed OfClose Enough For You To Taste But You Just Can't Touch

You Wanna Show The World, But No One Knows Your Name YetWonder When And Where And How You're Gonna Make ItYou Know You Can If You Get The ChanceIn Your Face As The Door Keeps Slamming Now You're Feeling More And More FrustratedAnd You're Getting All Kind Of Impatient Waiting

We Live And We Learn To Take One Step At A TimeThere's No Need To Rush It's Like Learning To Fly Or Falling In LoveIt's Gonna Happen And It'sSupposed To Happen That We Find The Reasons Why On Step At A Time

You Believe And You DoubtYou're Confused, You Got It All Figured OutEverything That You Wished ForCould Be Yours, Should Be Yours, Would Be YoursIf They Only Knew

You Wanna Show The World, But No One Knows Your Name YetWonder When And Where And How You're Gonna Make ItYou Know You Can If You Get The ChanceIn Your Face As The Door Keeps SlammingNow You're Feeling More And More FrustratedAnd You're Getting All Kind Of Impatient Waiting

We Live And We Learn To Take One Step At A TimeThere's No Need To RushIt's Like Learning To FlyOr Falling In LoveIt's Gonna Happen And It'sSupposed To Happen That WeFind The Reasons Why On Step At A Time

When You Can't Wait Any LongerBut There's No End In SightIt's The Faith That Makes You StrongerThe Only Way You Get ThereIs One Step At A Time

Take One Step At A TimeThere's No Need To RushIt's Like Learning To FlyOr Falling In LoveIt's Gonna Happen And It'sSupposed To Happen That WeFind The Reasons Why On Step At A Time

Long week...

2009-08-05T07:06:00.003-05:00

So this week is going to be a long one. I work from today wednesday aug. 5 through tuesday aug. 11. So I am trying to be positive and look at it one day at a time. Even though I am working 15 hour days, I can and will get through this. Especially with my girls help. I have made a goal list for today and I am going to try and do this every day. Helps decrease my anxiety. Which has been up ever since I started this heart palpitation and ended up in the emergency room. I have learned that I need to decrease my stress and anxiety. Not get angry and just go with the flow and not force the flow.

So be positive, turn every negative into a positive and be proud becasue I am worth it!!! I just need to stand and be at peace. STAND! I am going to need to remember that!

Soul Searching

2009-07-28T08:35:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was a really bad day for me. I mean really mentally and physically. So after coming home from the gym I decided to make dinner and to turn off the computer because I needed to do some soul searching and I knew I needed to do this by myself. So I spent some much needed time with the hubby and then we went to bed. I laid in bed for 2 hours just thinking. Thinking about my life, my family, my friends, my weight loss, my job. Just about everything I could think about. Then I decided to just write. I took a notebook and just started writing down everything that came to mind until my mind stopped rolling and nothing was there. It was a state of euphoria. I felt at peace. After seeing 4 pages of crazy crap. I decided to LET GO. Let go of everything. All of my fears and doubts in myself. All the worries, all the anxiety. EVERYTHING. It was SO freeing. (I suggest everyone to this!) So I fell asleep with no worries, no fear, no anxiety, no heart palpitation, nothing. It was the best night sleep I had in months. I woke up this morning refreshed and ready to tackle anything that comes my way. It is time to be positive. Time to quit faking it and DO IT!

I got on the computer this morning and had SO many messages from my sisters. They were amazing. I needed them. Just to affirm the positive vibe I was feeling. Then i posted my first status of the day and kristin commented, I lost it, I CRIED! I know goofy. Then Ali commented and then I read all the positive things in my inbox. I think I cried for a good 20 minutes this morning and it felt good. It was cleansing. I think that was exactly what I needed to help me with this goal. To stay and be positive and determined and to help motivate others. You have to do it for yourself by yourself. But you do need a few cheerleaders along the way. I found a bunch in my sisters. You all mean so much to me. Each one of you push me in a way I need it. You all mean the world to me. kristin, ali, alexis, mesha, courtney, val...I love you all and thank you so much. You are my angels!

Searching

2009-07-27T08:04:00.002-05:00

So I have not blogged in a few days because honestly I have not known what to say. Things inside my head have been crazy, but my front has been working. But I can't do it anymore. I have to take it down and be vulnerable. So I am going to try and explain what is going on in this crazy head of mine.

Well, I have been letting my anxiety get the best of me. I have a feeling that PMS has a lot to do with it. But who knows, aunt flo is not here yet. I just feel like a panic attack is coming, dunno when. I have this knot in the bottom of my tummy that just is not going away. I dunno what to do. I have been praying a lot. It seems I pray for everything. Myself, my fiends, my friends friends. Everything. I just feel like I am falling short in everything.

As for my weight loss, that has actually been good. This week I lost 3 pounds. I actually am doing this. I have lost 27 pounds so far. I am so proud of myself. But it is hard to get past everything to be proud. I work out a lot. Seems to be the only thing that keeps my mind clear. But as soon as I finish things come back to crazy in my head.

These demons will not beat me. I have not told anyone this. Not my husband (who i share everything), my friends, my family..no one. I keep telling myself to stay positive, to be positive. But it's just words when your mind and heart will not. I try and turn the negative into a positive. But sometime (most of the time) my mind will not let me. So I just put on this front that everything is OK. When it is not. 2 weeks ago, I was happy and getting my confidence back. Where did that go? I want that chick back!

I have been stressed out about this thing i am supposed to help out with for my trip in October. I want to help, but honestly with work i do not have time. Sometimes I feel pressured into things (not just this) and I can't just say no. I feel bad because I want to help, but honestly who am I kidding in this mental state I am on auto pilot. I will have enough money saved up for when we go, but I am kinda upset because I feel if I do not do this then it will not help out the group of friends and will not be able to get our friend here for the retreat. I dunno. (Just letting my feeling run, sorry sisters. This is not to make any of you upset! Please don't be)

So that is what I am searching for. Peace. Peace....inner and outer peace. I keep breathing, deep breath, saying to myself be positive, stay positive...just going to keep saying it...one of these times it will click.

Thanks all for reading!

Love,
Anna Banana

It's Wednesday

2009-07-22T07:24:00.002-05:00

So I thought I would post a mid week update on things!

So I have been so excited the last few days and doing SOOO well with eating and my workouts. I went to the gym Monday and Tuesday. Monday was 90 minutes and tuesday was 70 minutes cause I was in a time crunch. I felt so good. They have these awesome new ellipticals that i LOVE. I do a 10 minute warm up on the treadmill and then onto the elliptical. On monday I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and tuesday I did 50! I was so proud! Monday I also did free weights and weight machienes.

It was so funny, all the air foece guys kept looking at me like this fat chick is keeping up with us! On tuesday, kenny decided to split up and he went to the bikes which were across the room. I said in my zone on the elliptical and he said this skinny little frilly princess came and got on the elliptical next to me. I saw her but did not pay any attention. He said she looked at me and then looked at my legs and then started and tried to keep up with me. she would start and stop and kept looking at me Kenny said. He said she tried for about 5 minutes and could not keep up, so she got off the elliptical and left the room. He told me this on the way home and I just laughed. I kept up with the air force dudes. I think they thought I was going to pass out. I was sweating everywhere! It was CRAZY! I am so proud!

So today and tomorrow I am working so exercise will be at home. So biggest loser bootcamp and walking. Also, my challanges from Ali and Val! Got them Sistas!

But other than a really bad thing happened last night. Which involved a kitten at a place we went to eat. Needless to say i did not eat. I did not bring it home. Thank goodness a wonderful person came and decided to take care of it becasue it was hurt pretty bad. I could not sleep last night. I cried all evening. I can still see the eyes of the kitty looking into my eyes and meowing like it was saying help me....***ok crying now**** ok trying to move on! But that's what's been going on!

Weigh in day and pondering

2009-07-19T10:12:00.003-05:00

So today is my weigh in day. I switched up my workout this week and worked out harder then ever. Yesterday I did a 90 minute workout with 60 minutes of cardio. But I know my body and how I ate this week and I kinda had a feeling it was not going to be a good weigh in.

So I got on the scale and only gained a pound. Way better then I expected. Yes it is a gain, but it's a pound. I can totally deal with that!

This week I am REALLY going to focus on eating better. Last week I did not make the best choices, but this week I am REALLY going to try.

So I still can not decide what to do. I am being indecicive this week. My weight watchers subscription is up in September and my birthday is in september also. I was thinking about stopping weight watchers and going back to counting calories and asking for a bodybugg for my birthday. I am not sure what to do. So far in a month in a half I have lost 7 pounds with WW. I just dunno what I am going to do. WW seeems to be working, but when I was calorie counting I was not doing it well. So do I give it a try and spend the money?

I don't wanna buy anything until I find out about our Kristin trip! YAY!

It's friday

2009-07-17T07:10:00.002-05:00

So today is friday and my hubby went back to work today! Which was bittersweet! I will miss him! I have 4 kids today, by myself. Kenny has been home since July 2nd and has been a big help. So this will be a shock to my system! LOL! But saturday and sunday I only have one and then monday and tuesday me and the hubby are supposed to be off!

I am going to try and break in my new shoes today. I waslked on the treadmill for about 10 minutes cause I wanted to see how they felt on there and my left toes went numb. So that's not good. So i am going to try and wear them around the house today and see how that goes.

So stupid me stepped on the scale this morning. I have gained 2 pounds. Which I knew I would. My weekend I didn't eat the best food, plus I changed my workout routine so I knew this was going to happen. My weigh in is not until sunday. So we will see.

Workout wise today, i think I am going to do the bootcamp again tonight. It is tough and gets my heart pumping! I will have one kiddo still here and with him here when I workout it is hard to concentrait on yoga. So sweating and walking for half hour. That will be an hour total. I may take some time at nap time and do some crunches. I need to start doing those again. Those help me strech my back cause I do them on an exercise ball! Tonight and tomorrow and then a rest day! YAY! i have actually enjoyed this week of exercise. Which is crazy...enjoy exercise. I have had my girls pushing me, which has been my motivation. And I keep thinking of somthing Kristin told us, exercise is not supposed to be comfortable...oh and my exercise isn't. LOL!

Well I better get going baby is screaming. She was soooo good yesterday! Guess she is back to her normal ways! :)

Goals..

2009-07-16T11:02:00.003-05:00

So when I began this journey to weight loss I made goals. So I thought I would share them!

1. to be able to run a mile without stopping

2. to walk/run a half marathon

3. to get off my blood pressure medicine

4. to be able to wear clothes without an X or a 2 in the size

5. to live a healthier lifestyle

6. to inspire others to get healthy for themselves

7. to be able to walk around in a sleeveless shirt and be confident about it

8. to wear a bathing suit and be confident

9. to be able to run and play with the kids i watch

10. to see the bigger picture in life. Not just failure

I have had other little goals along the way, but these are the ones that stick out the most.

Fun Fun Fun

2009-07-16T10:48:00.005-05:00

So yesterday was a good day! Had the day off and spent it with the hubby! He has been off for quite a few days so he has been kickin my butt in workouts. We ran errands yesterday and did a few other things that needed to get done. We got these cool new shoes. I have been looking at them for a while but they are like $100 or over. We were at Kmart and found them for 35 and then it was buy one get one 50% off! So he got a pair too! Check them out. Here is the link to the sketchers website that tells you what they do. http://www.skechers.com/info/shape_ups

They are going to take a little to get used to but they are obviously worth it. Here is a pic of the ones I bought.

So my workout yesterday consisted of weight loss yoga with bob and walking 30 minutes. My goal is to get an hour of workout in everyday this week. So far so good! Tonight is bootcamp again and walking! I have the love hate relationship with the bootcamp dvd! LOL! I have switched up my workout this week. So we will see how the scale likes it on sunday. Everytime I switch things up my body takes a week to get used to it, so I have a feeling I may gain a pound or two. But that is ok! I will be on track. My body just needs to catch up!

So in some cool news, a few of my friends and I are trying to get Kristin to do a weekend bootcamp so that we can all go! We are hoping that she will! Keep our fingers crossed! Also, in March 2011 we are all going to Disneyworld and walk/run in the disney princess half marathon! That has been one of my goals since day 1. To do a half marathon. I am hoping my then I will be past my goal weight and onto a new goal weight and train hard to maybe be a runner..LOL. We will see.

But that is the news for the day! Hope yall have a wonderful day!

So far...

2009-07-16T10:47:00.001-05:00

Your favorite recipes...

2009-07-15T19:29:00.000-05:00

So I am ALWAYS looking for new healthy recipes to try. So I decided to put this out there to everyone and see what your favorite yummy recipes are?! Throw em at me! I am a chocoholic so anything you got that can help me I would LOVE!!

Oh what a day..

2009-07-15T10:17:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was a tough day for me working. I had a baby here all day and all she wanted to do was scream. No tears, just scream. She is 3 months and she only slept 35 minutes all day yesterday. And all she wanted was held and with 3 other daycare kids I can not do that. So needless to say I was stressed to the max. I had such a headache and since I am a stress eater, that's what I wanted to do was eat! I wanted to binge on just about everything I had in the house. The hubby even wanted to go out for dinner. So before I did anything I stepped back, took a breather and said to myself. You can have a HEALTHY snack and then what you planned for dinner (healthy). And ya know what, that is EXACTLY what I did. No binging, no out to eat! It finally hit me, I am in control! It feels WONDERFUL!

As for my workout yesterday, I got the BL boot camp DVD on Sunday and decided that yesterday was the perfect day to try it out! So my hubby and I embarked on the 1st 2 week workout which I believe was 5 minute warm up, 20 minute workout and a 5 minute cool down. BOY, I thought I had been working out before but holy crap! Both the hubby and I were huffing by the end of the warm up! It was crazy! The boot camp portion was AWESOME and I could not wait for the cool down..LOL! I was sweating like I had never sweat before! It was CRAZY! I can not believe that it worked me out so well. (I know it did cause when i woke up this morning I am feeling it!!) LOL! So now after the the DVD I decided to walk another 30 minutes on the tread climber to equal out my hour. I try to get in a hour a day. Just because my time is precious and I try to do all high intensity and by the time I am done....I AM DONE...lol! So yesterday I made myself proud by being in control of my eating in a stressful time and having a kick butt workout!

Here is my picture to prove it! Don't mind it is the same shirt, I washed it I promise!!! LOL!

So now onto today (Wednesday) is my day off! YAY! My next day off after this is Monday. So I have errands to run and all that wonderful stuff! Tonight is a BL weight loss yoga and a walking night. If you do not have the yoga, I recommend it. I did not think it would work me out or I would not be a yoga person, but it does! Bob is so motivational and he has you doing things that I never thought would be possible for me! My hubby even does it! By the time we are done we are sweating too!!

So that's about it! I just wanted to shout out to all my girls! You all are amazing! Keep moving! I am excited about the fact we may all do the Disney Princess Half in 2011! I am excited of the idea that Ali and I and who ever wants to join may go do a Kristin boot camp! I am just excited that there are so many things out there for us just waiting for us all to conquer them! Love you all!

Remember, do something today to make you feel proud!!!

Soooo

2009-07-13T19:11:00.005-05:00

So, Kenny and I went to the track and drug my last daycare boy with us. He is 4 years old. The track is about 1/4 of a mile there and 1/4 back. So I did good there. We got to the track and it is humid as heck outside. First I walk a lap to get the feel of it. Then I began running. 30 second intervals. Well my 30 seconds turned into 35 and then 40. I was SO happy but felt like I was going to puke! I would run then walk for about 40 seconds to a minute then I would run and walk, I think I ended up doing at least 4 laps maybe 5. Can't remember. So in the middle of running I needed a break. So I had the big idea to let's run stairs. OMG, up run across and down. OMG!! I seriously thought I was going to go head first down those stairs! But I did it I finished it! Slow, but finished. Then did another 2 runs and then the walk home. As I was walking home, I started hurting..seriously thought I was going to faint and my innerds were going to fall out. I walked as fast as my little legs could get me here. I was white as a ghost. But made it. Did not get to the bootcamp dvd like I wanted to, but I the non-runner conqured the run. So I am going to try and run at least 3 times a week. I may not be fast, but I am going! So tomorrow is bootcamp day and walking.

So the moral of this is to keep moving. No one can tell you that you are not worth it! Becasue you are. At least you are trying and moving, maybe slow...but moving!

Switching it up..

2009-07-13T13:31:00.000-05:00

Well I decided that just doing the EAS active and walking on the treadclimber was getting REALLY boring. But with working and having 4 kids, 3 mobile and an infant that it is SOO hard to get outside. The 3 kids leave at 5PM but my last one leaves at 7PM. So it is really really hard to get outside to work out. So I went out last night and bought the Biggest Loser bootcamp DVD. I already have the Biggest Loser weight loss yoga. So I decided that I am going to do those alternating daily and after the kids leave and before the one kid leaves at 7. Then on my days off I am going to go to the high school track right down the street and start trying to run. I am SOOO excited! My plan for the first 2 weeks is to run for 30 seconds and then walk for a minute and keep going until I can go anymore or I been going for at least an hour. And on the days that I can not get out there anytime I will continue walking on the treadclimber. So that is my new plan of attack for the next few weeks. So I will see how that goes.

Weight Watchers has been awesome. I lost 4 pounds this weigh in. I gained 2 pounds last weigh in thanks to Aunt Flo's monthly stop. Damn witch..LOL! But I lost the 2 pounds I gained and then 2 more. So total of 8 pounds in a month. Not the biggest loss ever but it is a loss in itself! I lost an average of 2 pounds a week! That is much better than just counting calories and doing it on my own. When I was doing that I was only loosing about a pound a week. So, I got the 3 month online subscription to WW cause I can't get to meetings on the days cause of my work. It was so funny, in my weigh in this week it yelled at me casue I lost 4 pounds. LOL says I should only lose 2 pounds a week! LOL! So I will see how it goes. I was wanting to get a bodybugg for my birthday in september, but I don't know now becasue I dunno if I want to go back to counting calories. I like the bodybugg becasue it can pin point exactly how many calories i am burning a day. So i dunno what to do.

Last week was an awesome week for me. I got to hear Kristin on a confrence call and becasue of that I got to meet my new friend and weight loss buddy Ali. She is an AMAZING she has lost 60 pounds so far (I think). She is an AMAZING motivator! Even though sometimes she thinks otherwise. She has been so good to me and she seems to say the right things to keep me moving. She has been through everything I have been through and am going through. And it is all becasue of Kristin who made this possible!

Well I think that is it for the day. I will be right back with ya tomorrow, hopefully I will remember. I am not very consistant with this blog thing...LOL! I will try!

Remember do somthing today to make you feel proud!

Proud...

2009-07-13T13:29:00.000-05:00

This is the note that made me decide to start a weight loss blog...

What have YOU done today to make YOU feel proud?

This is a saying that I live by, but this week I have been really thinking about this tiny phrase. It may be a few words but these words have such an impact for SO many people.

As most of you know I am a biggest loser fan and have been for many years. It was not till this past season (season 7) that I realized that I needed the show more than anything. I may not have been on the show, but I lived through each and every one of those contestants. Especially my girl Kristin! She is truly amazing,beautiful person! I often read her blogs, facebooks and twitters and she is an amazing motivator to really push me. She IS me. She is every woman out there that wants to succeed. She has and still is! I only wish one day to meet her and tell her how much she has ment to me. Words can not completely explain how she has inspired me in so many ways to take my life back. She taught me that I am worth it and that this is my fight. For yourself, by yourself! I have met SOOO many people online that inspire me every day! I can not believe how many awesome people there are out there that are just like me. It is amazing. I have finally found the support that I NEEDED all along!

So, this week I decided to reevaluate things. To finally stop and look at things and finally realize that I am doing this! I am pushing on, I am fighting for my life and I am winning! I may be losing slowly, but I am a loser.( ha ha ha) I cried this past weekend all because of a pair of shorts! LOL! I actually had to go buy a pair of smaller shorts. I could not believe it. I tried on clothes that were the size I was and I was SWIMMING! I was so PROUD!

So back to my “theme”. Everyday when I get up I tell myself, Anna, do something today to make you feel proud! ANYTHING! Most of the time for me it is exercising,losing weight and eating right. And at night I ask myself so what did you do today to make you feel proud? And before I go to bed I reflect on my day and see that I am fighting this battle. FIGHTING tooth and nail...but winning!

I just wanted everyone to think about this phrase. Be positive about life. Keep your head up and keep MOVING! Don't stop until you reach the top of that mountain. It does not matter how long it takes you. As long as you do whatever it takes to make you feel proud!